I Ought To Know (revised)

-
I ought to know there's all too much to grow
to truly understand the natural hand
that stretches out in glee, inviting me
to plow and plant and reap the seeds I sow

 I ought to chime there's all too little time
to truly look within, ask how I've been?
that shakes my hair to know I'm not aware
to love and live and journey up the climb

 I ought to say there's all too much to pray
to truly heal the broken spinning wheel
that turns in hope when washing soil with soap
to right and rest the wrongs, will good outweigh?

Comments

  1. Professor MillerMay 2, 2020 at 6:55 PM

    This is a compact and lyrical poem--probably the most musical poem you've submitted. One thing that stands out immediately if your use of iambic meter. The iambic pentameter is mostly true, and some of these lines really pop, such as "that shakes my hair to know I'm not aware," which is my favorite line in the poem. That's a fresh description, one I've never read before, and the internal rhyme is pleasing.

    I like the repetition of "I ought to" as an anaphora. The phrase captures a certain wistfulness that shapes the tone of the poem.

    The "cleaning soil with soap" line strikes me as a little off. It seems like too weird of a line for the poem it's in. I also felt that "reap the seeds I sow" is too much of a cliche for the poem.

    Hope this helps!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Lara VosburghMay 4, 2020 at 9:59 AM

    I lobe the lign of thre is too much to grow....it is scary how much thre is to improove in this life.
    This seems to me like a very spiritual piece, very Jewish. As Jews we are encouraged to look in and grow.You basically point out that thre is always more to pray, Also, when you think there is nothing more to pray about...yoj willl discover thee always is.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

COVID-19 (revised)

-
Schools closed  everywhere Houses  fenced in Events  shut down Stores running  out Out of breath Breath soaking  soap People  masking up Doctors  scrubbing down Patients impatiently  waiting Waiting with prayers Prayers tightly  locking Time breaking loose Budgets cramping under Families over staying The bats have been freed The butterflies are now lost
Read more

The Word Doc. (revised)

-
Image
Cutting & pasting efforts nothing black ink can't fix. Fancy fonts tango across the screen looking pretty while substantial ideas are hidden right behind. Mistakes come & go freely, as ones do in a deli the undo button reverses all things carelessly. Words are displaced, scattered everywhere taken control over every sitting & standing. Lines & paragraphs are broken up, rearranged no questions allowed, no comments welcomed. It's one document, a word document & the irony rocks me no one ever speaks of it - The lack of noise & protest belonging to groups of words which gather to serve another. They gather not from their own will but from the one coercing them to wake & work for a tyrant, a tycoon.
Read more

A Sweet Villanelle (revised)

-
There's nothing like the home I once knew. A child rolling in sugar and sunshine swinging back and forth, through air so sweet. Waking to sing with morning birds each day anew, to loud growth and silent beauty, pure and fine. There's nothing like the home I once knew. Long, luscious pony tails and pony dolls too Playing, brushing each strand of theirs and mine, combing back and forth, through strands so sweet. Fun fashion choices follow me through late wedding nights, dresses of colored wine. There's no place like the home I once knew. Daddy picking me up under a dome of blue, Mommy hugging me down in bed at nine. Swinging back and forth, through days so sweet.  Looking to my sister with eyes open and true, flashbacks wait for a greeting, patiently in line. There's nothing like the home I once knew, swinging back and forth, through life so sweet.
Read more